What 10 Years Of Failure & Suffering Taught Me!

10 years is a long time. People change, situations change, an entire generation change, children become teen/adult, a pessimist becomes an optimist and vice-versa, ideas take birth and die, the failure become success. But the opposite also happens! The Successful becomes an utter Failure.

That’s exactly what happened to me in the last decade. After a streak of successful & boastful school life my life came crashing down on me. In short, it changed for the absolute worse (at least that’s what I thought back then).

EVERYTHING started to go down against me. It was 2011, Facebook was pretty new and sharing thoughts on to so-called “Wall” was pretty common. So I did! I found some solace when an unknown person living 10 thousand miles away from my country expressed care. But, how far was I going to go with this? So, I stopped after a short point of time.

I was already under depression but it was too subtle for me to be aware. But, soon (2012) things went South quickly. I fell into my life’s first severe depression. After that my life just went downhill.

Thinking To Commit The “S” Word

Enough! I thought. I am done with this awful life! Probably I was too naive & rude to accept that not everything in life happens as we want to. But for some reason something stopped me to take the “Last Step.”

As if a faint voice whispered inside my head: “Stop!”

That was my first awakening. Hard to believe now that I try to recall the moment, but suddenly I became 10x more matured than I was 1 minute ago. A strong barrage of motivation and dedication hit me, and I said to myself: “I CAN Change my situation. I cannot just accept this pathetic me and Give Up. I have to change myself to the person I want to become & deserve.”

The Subtle Depression Years. What Happened?

Unfortunately the strong enthusiasm and motivation didn’t last long. I forgot almost everything what happened to me. I thought I had beat Depression, but in reality I hadn’t and who knew all those compressed emotions would come back EVEN STRONGER just after few years! (2016)

The Tsunami Hits The Coast. Again!

I had graduated from college in 2016 and had nothing to do. I didn’t take any job because I thought “Job is worthless. I’ll do everything myself.” As I said before: “Naive.” For me Winter Came in the December of 2016 when suddenly I fell (again) into severe depression. What happened? I didn’t know.

Winter with slight drops of rain is the worst combination for anyone with Depression. So this time I was experiencing 10x more powerful depression than 2012.

Here I was again, after four years. Nothing had changed. Of course this time I was a little bit mature, but this was too much for me to handle. Yet again, I tried to Commit “S” Words.

This time again, a faint voice into my Mind said: “MEDITATE.” I had nothing to do anyway, so I started meditating. I had taken Meditation seriously before. The only time I did was back in 2011 for 2-5 minutes to score good marks…

But, I had read about Buddha and his way of observing the breath. So, I just observed the breath. I never counted the hours, but I can safely say it was not less than 10 hour everyday. I was meditating the entire day, eating less, sleeping less. This continued for months.

You can read my Quora answer from 2020 when I answered a question about “Is it normal to meditate whole day:” https://www.quora.com/Is-it-normal-to-meditate-all-day

Life Takes A Turn

Meditating the “correct way” for only 20 minutes daily shows remarkable change within 21 days, And here I was meditating the whole day. What was the result?

The shortest answer to this is: I felt like a newborn. Almost everything about me changed. The way I started looking at Life Situations, People’s behavior. I could literally observe my thoughts emerging, expressing itself and then dissipating.

The whole experience was just a mystery to me back then. The depth at which I could analyze things, situations, etc, was on a different level. Intuition was at its peak too…

Few of the changes stayed just the way they were back in 2016-2017, and some just faded away. But, after these months of intense meditation I was a changed Man. The changes that came to me was irreversible…

The Final Hellish Years

Now, the Depression must have gone right? Nope! Surprising isn’t it? Alas! I could say: “Hurrah I’m free now.” But, nothing like that happened.

Again, for the final time, I fell into Depression for NO REASON. I was fed-up now. I had tried EVERYTHING under the Sun to change myself from these emotions and feelings.

I tried Yoga, practiced intense Meditation, volunteered for a cause, tried to make more friends & socialize. Nothing worked. I also went a step worked and ignited interest in Women. NOTHING WORKED.

As the days went by I felt as if my life was going down into an abyss. My life was going downhill into a bottomless pit.

Berating, humiliating, staring myself, physical torturing myself became a daily activity. In fact I even thought that I was not even worthy enough to commit the “S” word. That was my absolute bottom.

I somehow endured this for two years (2018-2019).

Then Came the Lockdown!!!

Taking Charge Of Life

2020 came and by March we were locked into our houses for safety. I was left with only a handful of options. Watch YouTube, Sleep, or experience “Guilty Pleasure.”

What did I do?

I gave myself a chance! Once again. This time I took a vow to change my personality so much that even I would be surprised.

So, what did I do?

(a) Switched off my phone.
(b) Started Reading Non-fiction Books on LOA, Productivity, etc.
(c) Continued my Yoga Practices.
(d) Experimented with different Secret Yogic Techniques. Techniques that were too risky.

But, I was furious this time. Not even the threat of death could stop me! So, I continued doing experiment with various Ancient Yogic Practices and observed a lot of thing….

Within 3 months I had read at least 100 books, made a list of Yogic Practices that were short but insanely powerful, decreased weight, etc.

I’m not sharing the Yogic techniques here, because it’s risky and will need dedication to continue…I’ve explained this in my About page, and what I plan in future.

Anyway, there was still something stopping me to reach the ultimate. What was it?

I asked myself! “What is it that I really want? What do I REALLY love to do that I would do it even for free?”
The answer didn’t came, but I didn’t turn impatient! I kept on asking and observing my thoughts. And suddenly the voice in my Mind said: “I don’t want People to Experience the same Suffering I went through. I want to Guide them.”

I couldn’t hold my tears. I knew it! Helping People is the thing that I craved since childhood. I loved it when People succeeded because of me. One of the best days in the midst of depression was when I Volunteered for a Good Cause.

Immediately after that I created a Quora account and this sentence: “On a Mission to Guide People and Change Lives” came to my mind while writing the first answer…It’s been the same way ever since…

Still, It took me another 2 years to finally dig-up the REAL reason what was stopping me…And now you’ll learn it:

The Most Crucial Decision In Every Step Of Life

The irony is that the Small Things control Major Part of our Lives. We may succeed 99% of something only to fail by the remaining 1%.

So, here it is that MOST PEOPLE (including me) failed to execute:

TAKING ACTION!

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.“

What we do is to only think, desire, wish intensely. apply the Law of Attraction, invoke the Universal Energy, God or Goddess, chant “custom designed” Affirmations, Journal our future life, read books, exercise, eat good, sleep well, make ourselves more “Receptive” to Divine Inspiration, Reprogram the Subconscious Mind, apply Quantum Physics to “Shift” to the desired reality, and who knows what.

But at the end of the day we forget, or sometimes intentionally don’t take a step towards taking action.

It literally took a decade of my life to finally learn that dream and affirm as much you like, dreams & desires won’t turn to reality unless we make the effort/take action.

Finally

As I briefly mentioned before, I asked myself: “What do I love doing that I would even do it for free?” After receiving the answer I was ecstatic, for the first time in my life. I could not only provide value to countless people, I could even earn doing what I love…

And so, this website will be, sort of, not only my journal, but also a guidance to people who want answers…

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